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Well well well, it is certainly good to hear from Targo, which is getting rarer and it is nice to see a visit from Bench. However, it is an amazing treat to get both of you! So thanks.
Does a fish have a heart? Yes it does. Can a fish have a heart attack? I don't know. Can fishermen have heart attacks? Yes. What if they are frustrated? Here is my story.
A short time ago, in a place far, far away a gentleman met another who had a boat, gear and the knowledge to fish, fish away. One of the gentlemen was me.
So I met and climbed into the craft. The water, though calm, looked cold, uninviting, but ready for a fishing rod. We set out, travelling slowly upstream to the special spot, where we found another mate with his wife, already fishing.
"G'day"
Pleasantries were exchanged first, then blissful working of the river for her treasure ensued. All was quiet, until, "So have you caught anything today?"
"No, but I did yesterday. We have only been here for an hour and a half"
Silence. Swish goes the water.
I asked again, "So, how're those Roos goin?"
"Sssh...quiet, you are scaring the fish!" She exclaimed with vigour and contempt. I was thinking because if they had been quiet for the last hour and a half like they said they were, silence wasn't the golden lure.
" I just wanted to...."
"Shaddup! You are scaring the fish, and if you are going to continue I will have to ask you to leave. We were here first." This time he was the culprit. Man, I wondered again about this strange breed. My boatmate chuckled silently. His brother and sister in law were the real serious, dour, fishing type. Whenever, they fished tension was high and most people just kept quiet, hoping they would not make eye contact.
Suddenly, my line gave a tug! " Pull up, pull up " was the exclamation but to no avail. Fishy fish was only teasing. I decided to name her in honour of my fishing mates, surly girl. Surly girl wouldn't bite.
Now the surly girl in the little white dingy got a bite. She dutifully reeled her prize in, but it was a fighter.
"C'mon Terese, go, go, get her man. You can do it. Have you got her?"
"Quiet, I'm trying to concentrate." Her arm tensed, her eye was gleaming, her brow perspired.
"I gotta name it for you."
"Would you just shut up."
"But you gotta name her. Look, she's getting closer. Oh man, this is exciting." I stood up rather too quickly, the boat violently keeled over but my blonde companion and I steadied our vessel before we had a tragedy.
"*&^% off. Shut your face!" Her face contorted with rage. It seemed she was a bit hot, but I wasn't really doing anything. " You are causing waves, I can't concentrate and would you quit being so excitable, like a little kid"
Undaunted I blurted, "Happy Mood"
"What?" This time it was the husband. " Happy what? Are you making fun of my wife?"
"No, its the name of the fish, don't you think it is...."
"You are naming the fish? " She was looking at the waters, while his mouth still hung open with disbelief
"Yeah, Happy Mood." I watched as she reeled her in. The hook was caught deep into the belly, wriggling, unable to breathe, eyes wide open, flopping all over in the bottom of the boat. Terese pulled, but the hook wouldn't come out.
"Grab me the pliers." They were handed over but it was no use. The hook was too far, and it couldn't be reached. "Measure it," she ordered.
"Don't call her an IT, her name is Happy Mood," I declared.
"Just do keep you mouth shut, how do you know if it's a girl?" She was seething.
"Its a little short love. We are going to have to throw it back in," her husband faithfully said.
Cutting the line, she carefully placed Happy Mood in to the water. " That hook will dissolve eventually. It's the acids in the stomach of a fish."
I pondered. It seemed a little inhumane to me. Of course, would it be inhumane if it was a fish? Wouldn't that be another word. This kind of philosophies are too much for my tiny brain. What did I know, they were probably right. I mean, catching an animal with a sharp hook, dragging it by its innards, pulling it out, where it couldn't breathe, yanking on the foreign object, cutting the line.... that didn't seem very, uh, what is the word, fish friendly, to me. Oh well, at least she kissed it before depositing, my Happy Mood back where she belonged. I thought it looked like the fish had done a little poo.
My boat mate suddenly came to life. "Fairdinkum mate!" He yelled while furiously pulling the line in. " Get the net ready." I did, and quickly slid our prize into the bottom of the water filled box. Unfastening the hook, I realized I didn't have time to name our treasure. This was so exciting. Again, I nearly capsized us. Once measured, it was just a little short to keep. I asked for our passenger, kissed her, and then much to the horror of our surly friends, lobbed her in a high parabolic arc 20 meters away. Splash! See ya my nameless friend.
" I can't believe you did that. That was uncalled for. You probably gave the poor thing a heart attack", exclaimed the cranky duo. "Don't you know anything? You don't treat a fish like that. It isn't how things are supposed to be done. In all my years I have never seen anyone do THAT!" They both droned on with animation.
Give a fish a heart attack? I hadn't thought of that. What a selfish jerk I am. " C-can a fish even have a heart attack," I stammered? I enforced my will and asked to be taken immediately to shore. My friend complied and while I detected the beginnings of a slight smirk, he kept his face straight like a poker player eyeing a winning hand.
Tonight, after weeks of turmoil, I finally had the courage to google fish heart attacks. I had done something so unruly, so cruel, acting like an unjust judge. What did I find? I found that fish oil actually helps with heart disease. What did I glean from that? Well, number one, if my unnamed fish was a cure for heart problems, it must have a healthy heart and couldn't have been in any duress. Number two, the hook in our little fish, Happy Mood, would not be too happy. But what do I know, I'm not a fisherman.